If I ruled the world I would totally mess with its physics an' ting.  It's not strictly physics I don't think but I don't know what it is.

OK, what I would do is this: I would make every inch of the planet's surface a slightly downward slope.  Yes I know if I did that the planet would disappear inside itself or something.  But it would make me look like a whole lot better of a cyclist, which is mostly what I care about right now.  I would also make the weather pleasantly mild and spring-like all the time, and have free ginger beer fuelling stations.

While I'm thinking of it, have a look at the handbags on eBay and tell me the 'holding bag open with elegantly manicured fingers' shots don't look porno to you.  Or maybe it's the leather making me moist.